I Learned (A Prequel to Joy)

And I learned
how to begin
again
How to look back at the words
or at least
see I was in them all along

I could be dramatic
claim them “tainted”
But that implies I never wanted them to be
what they were
drenched in those colours
when I really
really
did

And I’ve learned
that healing doesn’t just happen
You have to dress those wounds every day
always choose to get out of bed
pop those bottles you shove emotions in
open those boxes and reseal with better tape
All the things I avoid, of course
And that’s why it’s difficult
and that’s what makes it worth it
The Effort

And I learned
I have my own power
my own strength
To place these words
like puzzle pieces
Realised
a puzzle doesn’t stop being a puzzle
even when it’s solved
or finished with

But at least I knew there were no missing pieces
I knew where they went
I gave them away
And I know I’d do it all over again
for myself this time
because I now know who I am for doing it

And I learned
you have to have missing pieces
because it’s the only way to make anew
Fix your own breaks and shatters
only as they come
So, I carved new pieces for my heart
called them poems
glued them together with gold
and good intentions

And I learned
that Hope
Hope can be my Joy
Not a person
Not a feeling
Not a success
Just simply hoping

And I finally learned
where the door was
So, I’ll see you soon, Joy