To My Friends

To my friends,

I never truly knew
What loneliness was
What it really did
Until I knew of you
Until I knew
Of what it meant
To be part of others
And then part with them

Some have fallen away
Taken by different paths
But have found me briefly again

There are those that have left
That I wish hadn’t
That I miss
With an itchiness in the ribs
But who will, likely, not return
Without some miracle
…Or a funeral

But then there are you
Those that stayed

Sometimes
I can’t endure myself
And though I can’t escape my own mind
You always have the choice
And yet
For some unfathomable reason
You choose to stay
Over and over

And maybe to you
It doesn’t seem
As heavy a decision
As I think it is
But it still lifts me
To be chosen

Forgive me
For my flaws
My silence
My distance
Habits I’m used to embracing
Sometimes, the words that drop from my tongue
They may sting
And I have spilled self-pity and heartache
Through tangential tales in the twilight hours
Over and over

I am so proud
Of all you do
Of who you are

I hope I can be worth it
I hope I can help when you need it
I hope I can be that ear
The one who you can turn to
That mouthpiece for honesty
or comfort
or support

I will always try
To chase your doubt
To keep those shadows from you

I hope to bring you
The smiles and laughter
That feeling of being chosen
That you deserve

Because you bring such things to me
And I know I’d choose you
Over and over

A poem by Colm Horgan