A FAREWELL

One night I dreamt of a goodbye 
 something we never had 
In a dull living room 
I knew once  
  to be comfortable memory 
   now only an armchair and a dim lamp

The book shelves are empty 
 bar a few pages here and there 
 Eyes blurry with time 
  and dried tears 
   stuck to eyelashes

You smiled that smile 
 the one from the first time 
  the one burned gently to me 

We found each other 
 wrapped arms 
  rested heads on shoulders 
   looking away, yet again
On my cheek 
 I felt the softness 
  of your jumper

I whispered my wish 
 hoping you’d hear 
  hoping you wouldn’t
That you’d stay by my side for a while longer
Your grip on my back tight 
 unable to tell me what I wanted 
  instead meeting me with 
   that dread usual 
    silence

So I let go 
 told you I knew 
  I always knew 
   I just never wanted to
Part of me hopes 
 you thought the same 

I took my bags
 willed myself not to look back 
  and walked away

I like to believe something of you is still there 
 in the room of memory 
  in the corner of my heart 
   curled up on that chair 
    reading a book to that dull light
Maybe reading our story 
 I know it was one of my favourites

And I said 
 as I walked away
If the day comes 
 that you are finished 
  I know you won’t come find me 
   all I ask 
    is you live well

 

 

A poem by Colm Horgan